I read a column one time where you write in with questions for some manners lady who knows all these fantastically arbitrary tidbits of information about how one “should” act. Actually, I think I read an entire year’s history of the column (it was a late night). Point being, there was one man who wrote in to ask whether or not it was appropriate to ask his wife to pluck an unflattering hair on his back, or if he should ask his barber. The answer was simple and succinct (which is really why it was so fun to read anyways): “Don’t ask gross things of the one you have sex with.”

It turns out the your wife is in fact the most comfortable person to ask for the job, but she’s also the biggest stakeholder. You only really care because she’s the one who you want to impress with your shirt off. Dilemma? Yes. New? No.

There are so many instances in life where the people or things you ask of are also the people or things who have the most stake in your asking. Mother’s love to take care of their sick kids, but their wellness is pivotal to the kids’ well-being. Lonely people often bathe in their loneliness only to perpetuate it. And if anyone needs a friend it’s someone who’s sad. But friendship comes most easily to those who are friendly.

You probably can find a way to have your wife pop that nice zit on your shoulder, or you may have friends who will rough out a tough time with you. But in general it’s sometimes best to look not only at what you need, but what you want for the longer run. In geometric terms, it’s always possible to walk forever on a line from a single point. But once you cast two rays onto that line that point towards one another, the distance is always finite. Be careful when you start cutting your supports from both ends, it has a quick way of dissolving the in from infinite.